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| Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it
will eat its fruit.
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If my memory serves me correctly, this was a true story. Either way, the point really gets your attention... WORDS HURT! My teacher would always end this story with "What do you think Stu believed about himself as an adult?"
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
We are coming to find out that parenting isn't perfect. Learning how to discipline children is an art form all of it's own. There are books, dvds, classes, and a inexhaustible amount of "opinion" out there. To spank or not to spank, time out, 123 magic, use anger tones or don't use anger tones... and the list goes one. Depending on who you are talking to you will receive one opinion on what is right and many opinions on what they think is wrong.
I remember when I was a child and my parents were still together. My mom was the disciplinary and she used the BELT! Yet, all my dad had to do was raise his voice and us kids were up in our beds shaking and scared that he might follow through with his warning of discipline. For dad, his angry voice was enough. He could use his anger as strength and never used his strength in anger.
No matter what school of discipline you may follow, one thing is for sure WORDS HURT. It can be as overt as "stupid & moron" or as covert as "bad boy & little trouble maker". As parents, the words we use aren't just the rudder of our lives, but also our children's and our homes. We are most susceptible to using words that hurt when angry. We remember the words of Paul in Ephesians
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
If you use your "strength" verbally or physically in anger chances are you will hurt. Yet, you can use your anger as strength in healthy ways of discipline. For example, if my son is running down the driveway towards the road I will use an angry tone to get his attention so he will stop. When he stops, I will not allow my anger to burst into a tirade of "you stupid little boy... how many times have I told you... one day I should let you run out there and see what happens!" No!
I want to be able to speak life into our children, yet at the same time operating in (not abusing) the authority God has given to me as a parent. The words we speak into our "little sponges" will have a lasting effect on their lives. Though I remember my father raising his voice often, I do not recall him using hurtful words in the process. That made the difference for me between fear and reverence. Just remember in your discipline, What you say can have more of an impact than how you say it.
4 Or
take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by
strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot
wants to go.
As far as our methods... we have tried it all. We have found that sometimes time out works and other times it doesn't. Sometimes counting 1,2,3 works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes raising our voice works, sometimes is doesn't. And sometimes things call for a spanking. For us, spanking is always a last resort, but also... doesn't always work. Parenting isn't perfect and we don't know that there is some magical formula to make things easy, but we do know that WORDS HURT. We want to speak life even in our discipline. We hope you will too.
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