Knowing and Being a Father

George, Stephanie, Robert

By all appearances, three children sit on their couch with the whole world ahead of them. Without a care in the world they smile at the camera knowing that life is good because mommy and daddy have everything in control . That is until the "D" word strikes this home with a vengeance. Disaster... maybe, Destruction... could be, Divorce.... it is.

This is a photo of me, my sister Stephanie, and my brother Robert. We were normal kids growing up in what should have been the normal American home in the 1980s. Yet, things are not always picture perfect. It was not long after this photo was taken that our lives were radically changed  forever.



One of the most vivid memories I have of early childhood is when I was about six years old. My mom was backing us out of our driveway of our childhood home in New Jersey. My dad was standing in the driveway telling us "I'll be there soon. I'm coming". He never did. Devastated, I blamed my mom for many years for "taking us away from daddy". Little did I know then the circumstances were not at all how I saw them.

Moving to Florida in a single parent home was not easy on my mom or us kids. Our family began to struggle as we all dealt differently with the pains of divorce. For me, I went on a search for a father figure. While all of my friends were learning to hunt, fish, and fix cars with their dads, I turned to those who, so willingly, would take me under their wing.... older kids from broken and dysfunctional homes. My mom, my sister, my little brother and I all have our own story to tell about how divorce was the disaster that helped cause the destruction in our lives.

My dad was not a bad guy, he just was not there. He would call faithfully on Sundays to see how we were doing. When we needed something, he made sure we had it and he always paid above and beyond child support. Yet, he was not there. We tried on the occasional summer vacation to connect as father and son, but as the years grew any chance of connection quickly fizzled. Now, I am thirty-one and my father and I have a "Cat in the Cradle" kind of relationship. (click on the link to hear the song, follow the lyrics)

My father comes to visit from time to time. He was recently here for my nieces graduation. He stayed in our home and it was nice to have him. He enjoyed seeing and playing with my son and daughter. The day he was set to go home I had to take Lisa to the airport. My mother-in-law came over to keep an eye on the kids while we were gone. As we backed out of the driveway, my son began to cry for "daddy". My mother-in-law said he cried for sometime. My father was witness to this as he sat on the couch. I can only wonder to the effect it had on him.

George IV & George V

Growing up I told myself that I would never name my son after the family line. I am George IV. When we found out that we were having a boy I told myself that I was going to be a different dad. I was going to be there and be interested. My son would be the first in our line to know what it was like to be loved as Son. George V would be a loved little boy.

Coming into faith I could not comprehend "Father", although I know I longed for one. As God's word opened up to me and I saw Father for who He is my heart began to heal. I knew the cycle could only be broken by Knowing the Father. I depended on His precious promises that seemed so foreign to me.

1. Hebrews 13:5- ..."I will never leave you nor forsake you"
2. Matthew 28:20- ... "I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
3. Psalm 17:8- "Keep me as the apple of Your eye, hide me in the shadow of Your wing"

Earthly fathers, good and bad, fail us. The Heavenly Father will never leave us, never desert us, always love us, and gladly takes us under His wing. Now, if that is the kind of father that dwells in me, that is the kind of father I want being expressed out of me to my son. I will fail him, I will make him mad, we will butt heads, but when the day grows short... I will never leave him, never forsake him, always protect him the best I can. He will always be the apple of my eye and an arrow in my  quiver. That is the Father I know today and that is the father I want my son to know in his tomorrows.